The groundswell began in late 2007. A new band was out there, "the new band" was out there. Songs started popping up on indie rock websites, shows started selling out and claims started being made. This could be it, the band we had been waiting on, the band that defined an otherwise undefinable era, addictive, intelligent, undeniable, yes, Vampire Weekend could be them all.
First off, that's alot of pressure for any band, much less one putting out their very first release. But if anyone could do it, it was Vampire Weekend right? They are from New York City, they went to an Ivy League school, they are four white guys from the United States playing music based on a combination of chamber music and African beats. That sort of pedigree implies an inherent greatness, since most people don't live in a city as cool as NYC, didn't go to Columbia and don't know much about Jeff Von Der Schmidt (conductor of Southwest Chamber Music and two time Grammy winner, in case you were wondering) . With Vampire Weekend's impressive background, it's no wonder that many in indie rock circles have absorbed VW's expected greatness into their opinions and reviews. After all, we all want every album we hear to be transcendent, so preconceived expectations can easily modify notes and ideas as they are transfered from the ear to the brain.
Unfortunately, track one of Vampire Weekend's self titled album reveal most of what you are going to get with these guys. "Mansford Roof" is playful and brimming with potential, but ultimately unfulfilling. It wouldn't be a bad place to start, but "Oxford Comma" follows and sounds alot like a Pavement discard. Of course I like Pavement, so the song isn't without some charm. "A-Punk" follows and sound like every bad ska song you have ever heard, except it doesn't have a ska band's redeeming horn section, so yeah, worthless. "Cape Code Kwassa Kwassa" drowns in it's own pretension, there is literally nothing here, not lyrically, not musically, nothing. "Is your bed made, is your sweater on?", has indie rock fallen on such hard times that these are the lyrics we have deemed acceptable? "M79" follows and is a charming song that pits lead singer Ezra Koenig's lyrics against chamber strings before naturally blending the two.
The rest of the album really hits on what Vampire Weekend really is. Songs like "Campus" and "I Stand Corrected" are inoffensive and pleasant, despite lacking depth and being easily forgotten. However, "One (Blake's Got a New Face)", "Walcott" and "The Kids Don't Stand a Chance" are really garbage. I wish I could be more poetic or descriptive, but I can't. If you heard these songs at a campus battle of the bands or at your corner bar, you would walk out.
Vampire Weekend's debut will draw parallels to Pavement, Weezer (the pop radio version of Pavement) and Madness, while Koenig's vocals are reminiscent of a Police-era Sting. The question for you, dear reader, is will you accept bastardized versions of these classic, original bands simply because it's "new" or because of the zip code the band lives in?
20 February 2008
14 February 2008
2007's Best Albums
10) Kayne West - Graduation - Chi Town's favorite son (well, at least according to him) returned with his third and most complete album to date. Solid hooks, beats and lyrics mean that Mr. West will be wrapped in Louis V. and hatin' on presidents for many years to come.
9) Wilco - Sky Blue Sky - Easily Wilco's most grounded effort to date, Sky Blue Sky represents a more mature Jeff Tweedy. Gone are the frantic, out of control moments that littered Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and A Ghost is Born, replaced with smooth, jazzy "dad-rock". Kinda fitting since Tweedy has slowed down his life and, in fact, is a dad.
8) Low - Drums and Guns - Drums and Guns is an album as intense, dark and cold as a January night in Low's native Minnesota (ed. note: I've never been north of Chicago, so I'm making that analogy based on hearsay alone). While Low may not be the easiest listen, the have succeeded in creating an album filled with interesting textures and a rewarding, underlying honesty.
7) Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Some Loud Thunder - CYHSY's follow up to their critically acclaimed self-title debut was predictably met with scorn from the same hipster dipshits that lauded the band less than two years before. While Some Loud Thunder may not be as infectious as its predecessor, it is more ambitious, more intimate and a much more complete idea. And if you still wanna boogie, well, it's got "Satan Said Dance" too.
6) Battles - Mirrored - On their debut album Battles proved that you don't need lyrics (at least recognizable ones) when you are in complete control of your compositions. Intense and transient, Mirrored is an album worth listening to (especially if you want to know what music will sound like after the robotic uprising of the mid '90s).
5) Arcade Fire - Neon Bible - Neon Bible was a disappointment. Frankly, after the Arcade Fire's epic debut anything would have been a disappointment. Coming to the conclusion that Neon Bible isn't Funeral is similar to the period after a real funeral; less emotional, less intense and more than a bit confusing. Neon Bible represents the Arcade Fire's uncertainty, growth and, yes, disappointment as a band. Oh yeah, the songs are still pretty good.
4) Bright Eyes - Cassadaga - I've probably written more in this space about Bright Eyes than any other musician and Cassadaga is the main reason why. While the lyrics and emotion are classic Conor, the arrangements are light years beyond anything Oberst and his bandmates had attempted before. A complete, well thought out and adventurous album.
3) New Pornographers - Challengers - Challengers is the album I was waiting for the New Pornos to make. On their fourth album, the Canuck superstars finally stopped assaulting their listeners with wide open rock songs, replacing power cords with restraint. Challengers explored more of the Pornos individual personalities, from Neko Case's soulful "Challengers" to Dan Bejar's playful "Myriad Harbour", without sounding like they simply sampled from each members catalog and really, that's all I ever asked for.
2) Radiohead - In Rainbows - Radiohead's 7th studio album proved to be completely typical. Typical Radiohead re-invention, typical freshness, typical political and social snear . The only thing unique about the record (besides the amazing songs) was the "fuck you" Radiohead sent to their old record label by releasing In Rainbows under the "pay what you want" tag. Then again, this is what we have typically come to expect from the best band of the last twenty years.
1) Peter Bjorn and John - Writer's Block - Writer's Block is really everything I look for in an album: driving/danceable beats, emotionally honest lyrics and, above all, well crafted songs. Plenty more could be written about Writer's Block (much of it can be found in the Bitchfork archives), but why read about it? Go listen and enjoy 2007's best album.
9) Wilco - Sky Blue Sky - Easily Wilco's most grounded effort to date, Sky Blue Sky represents a more mature Jeff Tweedy. Gone are the frantic, out of control moments that littered Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and A Ghost is Born, replaced with smooth, jazzy "dad-rock". Kinda fitting since Tweedy has slowed down his life and, in fact, is a dad.
8) Low - Drums and Guns - Drums and Guns is an album as intense, dark and cold as a January night in Low's native Minnesota (ed. note: I've never been north of Chicago, so I'm making that analogy based on hearsay alone). While Low may not be the easiest listen, the have succeeded in creating an album filled with interesting textures and a rewarding, underlying honesty.
7) Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Some Loud Thunder - CYHSY's follow up to their critically acclaimed self-title debut was predictably met with scorn from the same hipster dipshits that lauded the band less than two years before. While Some Loud Thunder may not be as infectious as its predecessor, it is more ambitious, more intimate and a much more complete idea. And if you still wanna boogie, well, it's got "Satan Said Dance" too.
6) Battles - Mirrored - On their debut album Battles proved that you don't need lyrics (at least recognizable ones) when you are in complete control of your compositions. Intense and transient, Mirrored is an album worth listening to (especially if you want to know what music will sound like after the robotic uprising of the mid '90s).
5) Arcade Fire - Neon Bible - Neon Bible was a disappointment. Frankly, after the Arcade Fire's epic debut anything would have been a disappointment. Coming to the conclusion that Neon Bible isn't Funeral is similar to the period after a real funeral; less emotional, less intense and more than a bit confusing. Neon Bible represents the Arcade Fire's uncertainty, growth and, yes, disappointment as a band. Oh yeah, the songs are still pretty good.
4) Bright Eyes - Cassadaga - I've probably written more in this space about Bright Eyes than any other musician and Cassadaga is the main reason why. While the lyrics and emotion are classic Conor, the arrangements are light years beyond anything Oberst and his bandmates had attempted before. A complete, well thought out and adventurous album.
3) New Pornographers - Challengers - Challengers is the album I was waiting for the New Pornos to make. On their fourth album, the Canuck superstars finally stopped assaulting their listeners with wide open rock songs, replacing power cords with restraint. Challengers explored more of the Pornos individual personalities, from Neko Case's soulful "Challengers" to Dan Bejar's playful "Myriad Harbour", without sounding like they simply sampled from each members catalog and really, that's all I ever asked for.
2) Radiohead - In Rainbows - Radiohead's 7th studio album proved to be completely typical. Typical Radiohead re-invention, typical freshness, typical political and social snear . The only thing unique about the record (besides the amazing songs) was the "fuck you" Radiohead sent to their old record label by releasing In Rainbows under the "pay what you want" tag. Then again, this is what we have typically come to expect from the best band of the last twenty years.
1) Peter Bjorn and John - Writer's Block - Writer's Block is really everything I look for in an album: driving/danceable beats, emotionally honest lyrics and, above all, well crafted songs. Plenty more could be written about Writer's Block (much of it can be found in the Bitchfork archives), but why read about it? Go listen and enjoy 2007's best album.
28 January 2008
What a medium-in-length and somewhat unusual trip it's been
The Harvey Danger Story
(as told by a lazy researcher)
As almost 100% of the information that is contained in this post was gleaned from Wikipedia, citations will be omitted and you can judge for yourself the likelihood that apocryphal information is included herein. But if it makes you feel better, Harvey Danger's official website itself links to their Wikipedia article, so it can't be too far off, right? Furthermore, even in the ever-expanding universe of the interweb, information on this band is frightfully scarce. But if you need to know the whereabouts of Amy Winehouse right this second, we can get that for ya.
Anyway, Harvey Danger banded together in Seattle in 1992, although singer Sean Nelson and longtime drummer Evan Sult didn't join until the next year. Their first drum kit employed in the early live shows consisted of a bucket, some hubcaps, and a pickle jar (that is according to Wikipedia, but I've long heard that it was a mayonaisse jar). The University of Washington students played some local gigs for awhile, and when they were unsuccessful in gaining actual employment, they did what we all do - band practice!
The band released a seven inch sometime in 1996 which contained the song you probably know them for - "Flagpole Sitta". On the strength of that release, they recorded their debut full-length, Where Have All the Merrymakers Gone? Released in July 1997 to relatively little fanfare, the album would surge into the Top 40 in early 1998, weeks after the band had contemplated a break-up. Although the record was rumored to contain other tracks, the commercial success was directly attributable to the omnipresence of "Flagpole Sitta".
This would have been a pretty straightforward account of a one-hit wonder except that Harvey Danger (and I'm guessing here that Sean Nelson is responsible) really had a lot to say, and they decided to use simple but elegant rock n roll to say it. The album that their fans will remember them for, King James Version, was released in 2000. Although it was an artistic triumph, the group had been pegged as a one-hit wonder and forgotten by a nation torn apart by the "red state - blue state" debate of the day, Limp Bizkit versus Creed. Furthermore, the album was mishandled by the band's label, Slash/London. Fueled by driving beats, a diversified set of instruments to accompany their rather straightforward guitar sound, and of course Nelson's sneering-then-sweet vocals, the band addressed everything from loneliness and idol worship to organized religion and art house theater-going hipsters. This was a record that really made you feel a little smarter after listening.
Then they disappeared, like for real. They played their last show in April 2001, seven years to the day after their first real show, leaving a nation of disinterested people interspersed with some seriously bummed out superfans. The break turned into a three year hiatus, and then they returned in April 2004 (yep, on the exact same day - ten years after their first show). Still, very few people cared until they released a freely downloadable album (perhaps because they had been burned by the usual label bullshit earlier in their career, although their articulated reason can be found here) in 2006. Little by Little... was fairly well-received and was actually downloaded 100,000 times in two months. However, it lacked the sharpness, both of riffs and lyrical content, that made their second album so special. A few gems, most notably "Cream and Bastards Rise" stood out in a record that is best described as uneven. Since it's free, it's highly recommended. But King James Version is probably available on the cheap too, and it's a wonderful record. The band still plays shows, mostly in their native Seattle. They've experienced the gamut of the experiences the recording industry has to offer, and they still seem to enjoy making and playing music. They probably have little to complain about. Fuck Fred Durst anyway.
A comedian who doesn't get South Park?
Dom Irrera is a stand-up comic who has had a successful, if unremarkable, career. Fine. But for some reason, he's blaming South Park for his lack of a TV show on Comedy Central. Couple problems here. First, South Park is far from the worst show that's been on Comedy Central over the past ten years. Blue Collar TV? Endless Mad TV reruns, anyone? Secondly, if a comic doesn't understand that South Park is about more than "characters that talk about poop", it might be time to hang up the ol' mic.
Full disclosure: I actually saw his stand-act in some comedy club in Columbus, OH, and he wasn't half bad. Then again, he didn't blow anyone away and he didn't get it when I heckled him and called him "unclefucker". Ok, back on topic...
Full disclosure: I actually saw his stand-act in some comedy club in Columbus, OH, and he wasn't half bad. Then again, he didn't blow anyone away and he didn't get it when I heckled him and called him "unclefucker". Ok, back on topic...
21 January 2008
What Makes "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?" So Good
1. The album tells a story, sort of
Well, maybe we're not sure about this, but I think there's a central theme to this record. It sounds like a band documenting their attempt to make a go of it. Frankly, the Unicorns didn't have a lot to say. Hence, the "Ghost Trilogy", the three tracks devoted to some imaginary spirits. The lyrics might as well be gibberish. Sure, maybe the writers of the songs thought there was some basic truth of the human experience that they were singing about, but that's a big maybe and even if so they did a shitty job of conveying it. But here's where the genius part comes in. It doesn't matter what they're talking about. The lyrics are fun and you have a sense that there's a beginning, middle, and end (witness the bookends of the record, "I Don't Wanna Die" and "Ready to Die"), and most importantly, the lyrics are principally there to serve the vocals. David Thomas of (Cleveland's own) Pere Ubu said that "music exists for the sole purpose of having a singer." Luckily, David Thomas is a fucking moron. Music exists, of course, to move people and to convey emotion, regardless of lyrical content. This is the same man who said that Brian Wilson's "Smile" was "flawed", after all. Obviously, David Thomas cannot be taken seriously. But I digress. What lyrics there are are clever, and often funny (We're the Unicorns/We're more than horses). No mean feat for an outfit with nothing to say.
2. Even if it didn't, the music is sublime
If you listened to the first fifteen seconds of each of the songs on "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone", you'd probably hate it. Many of the songs start out with tossaway little intros, be it pan flutes or electro-organs, that will inevitably become lodged in your brain not unlike a polyp. Not worth removing surgically, and even if you did, you'd probably miss it a little. These guys were focused on making the perfect pop record, and it's fairly difficult to make a rational argument that they failed. The listener comes to love even the faulty moments, the beginnings of songs that struck them as frivolous at first listen but become essential upon further study. Perhaps not since Mr. Bungle has a band been so good at rope-a-doping listeners, then smacking them in the face with unstoppable melodies. Each and every song here will stay with you for days, and you might even wonder why you didn't think of it yourself. You'll realize that the Unicorns made no missteps, only well-crafted weirdness.
3. The album won't be lessened by later transgressions
The Unicorns were a shooting star. 18 months after this record was released, the Unicorns were finished. Perhaps their relentless touring played a hand in their demise. Maybe (probably) we missed out on some great music because they split. But it's unlikely they would have ever recaptured the spirit of this record, and if they had made a bunch of corny records, which is exceedingly likely, it would have only detracted from the legacy of "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?".
If you had to impress someone with one record that they didn't know, give them this record. It's unassailably catchy and has a huge of indie cred cache. If you didn't know, now you know.
Well, maybe we're not sure about this, but I think there's a central theme to this record. It sounds like a band documenting their attempt to make a go of it. Frankly, the Unicorns didn't have a lot to say. Hence, the "Ghost Trilogy", the three tracks devoted to some imaginary spirits. The lyrics might as well be gibberish. Sure, maybe the writers of the songs thought there was some basic truth of the human experience that they were singing about, but that's a big maybe and even if so they did a shitty job of conveying it. But here's where the genius part comes in. It doesn't matter what they're talking about. The lyrics are fun and you have a sense that there's a beginning, middle, and end (witness the bookends of the record, "I Don't Wanna Die" and "Ready to Die"), and most importantly, the lyrics are principally there to serve the vocals. David Thomas of (Cleveland's own) Pere Ubu said that "music exists for the sole purpose of having a singer." Luckily, David Thomas is a fucking moron. Music exists, of course, to move people and to convey emotion, regardless of lyrical content. This is the same man who said that Brian Wilson's "Smile" was "flawed", after all. Obviously, David Thomas cannot be taken seriously. But I digress. What lyrics there are are clever, and often funny (We're the Unicorns/We're more than horses). No mean feat for an outfit with nothing to say.
2. Even if it didn't, the music is sublime
If you listened to the first fifteen seconds of each of the songs on "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone", you'd probably hate it. Many of the songs start out with tossaway little intros, be it pan flutes or electro-organs, that will inevitably become lodged in your brain not unlike a polyp. Not worth removing surgically, and even if you did, you'd probably miss it a little. These guys were focused on making the perfect pop record, and it's fairly difficult to make a rational argument that they failed. The listener comes to love even the faulty moments, the beginnings of songs that struck them as frivolous at first listen but become essential upon further study. Perhaps not since Mr. Bungle has a band been so good at rope-a-doping listeners, then smacking them in the face with unstoppable melodies. Each and every song here will stay with you for days, and you might even wonder why you didn't think of it yourself. You'll realize that the Unicorns made no missteps, only well-crafted weirdness.
3. The album won't be lessened by later transgressions
The Unicorns were a shooting star. 18 months after this record was released, the Unicorns were finished. Perhaps their relentless touring played a hand in their demise. Maybe (probably) we missed out on some great music because they split. But it's unlikely they would have ever recaptured the spirit of this record, and if they had made a bunch of corny records, which is exceedingly likely, it would have only detracted from the legacy of "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?".
If you had to impress someone with one record that they didn't know, give them this record. It's unassailably catchy and has a huge of indie cred cache. If you didn't know, now you know.
20 January 2008
Review: Daft Punk "Alive 2007"
Full disclosure: Bitchfork was unable to attend any of Daft Punk's live shows, ever. First of all our passports aren't what you'd call "convincing" and secondly we were saving the world from Nickelback that weekend (okay we failed on that one but the important thing is we tried). But if we had, we would have put a hurting on the ecstasy market and basically turned that motherfucker out.
However, we've been fans for a long time and we shelled out the fifteen bucks for Alive 2007 in hopes that we'd be transported to the land of the two robots.
We weren't. But that's through no fault of Daft Punk. Without the truckloads of LED equipment the Frenchmen took on tour to dazzle the eyes, the listener is left to enjoy the experience through, you know, his ears. Still, Alive 2007 serves as an amazing mix of their great and not-great-but-this-has-potential-to be-great hits, all designed to rock your ass into the ground. The potential is here realized. It's lucky that we weren't beamed into a Daft Punk show because there's no way we'd have had the energy to be beamed back to reality afterwards.
With the crowd energy piped in at audible but by no means annoying levels, this album feels like you've just witnessed a triumphant World Cup final. You're not sure what the fuck is happening, but you like it, and you want to dance. One thing you do know: they must really be robots because no human could, in good conscience, so mercilessly lay down music so addictively danceable.
Ultimately for Daft Punk, this is the album that puts them over the line of "overlooked genius" to "overlooked cultural phenomenon". No matter what, your kid won't know who Daft Punk is, but all the people who attended these soon-to-be-legendary shows and anyone who loves laughably good beats will never forget what happened in '07.
Score: 47 out of 50 (-3 points for lack of transportation abilities)
However, we've been fans for a long time and we shelled out the fifteen bucks for Alive 2007 in hopes that we'd be transported to the land of the two robots.
We weren't. But that's through no fault of Daft Punk. Without the truckloads of LED equipment the Frenchmen took on tour to dazzle the eyes, the listener is left to enjoy the experience through, you know, his ears. Still, Alive 2007 serves as an amazing mix of their great and not-great-but-this-has-potential-to be-great hits, all designed to rock your ass into the ground. The potential is here realized. It's lucky that we weren't beamed into a Daft Punk show because there's no way we'd have had the energy to be beamed back to reality afterwards.
With the crowd energy piped in at audible but by no means annoying levels, this album feels like you've just witnessed a triumphant World Cup final. You're not sure what the fuck is happening, but you like it, and you want to dance. One thing you do know: they must really be robots because no human could, in good conscience, so mercilessly lay down music so addictively danceable.
Ultimately for Daft Punk, this is the album that puts them over the line of "overlooked genius" to "overlooked cultural phenomenon". No matter what, your kid won't know who Daft Punk is, but all the people who attended these soon-to-be-legendary shows and anyone who loves laughably good beats will never forget what happened in '07.
Score: 47 out of 50 (-3 points for lack of transportation abilities)
My "Interview" with James Murphy
We almost had an interview with James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem. Let's just say we did. For six days, we traded emails, phone calls, and text messages with him. This is how it went:
B4K: Hi James, how's things going? You've released some new material in the past 18 months, and it's been really well received. At this point, you've got tons of indie credibility, and the freedom to do whatever you want. Is everything going according to plan?
JM: Yeah, I don't know about that. I mean, it was a bit unexpected, I have to say. But it's nice.
B4K: For us it was unexpected too. Don't take this the wrong way, because I hear you're a swell guy, but your latest effort, "Sound of Silver", blew ass.
JM: Ha, yeah, I was wondering how long it would take someone to call me out on this.
B4K: What do you mean by "this"?
JM: Well, my whole critical acclaim thing.
B4K: Right, because LCD Soundsystem is pure, unadulterated garbage. So how have you been getting away with this?
JM: Honestly I don't know. I actually released "LCD Soundsystem" (ed. note "LCD Soundsystem" was released in 2005 and sucked hard but was given an 8.2 rating by pitchforkmedia.com) as a farewell to the music industry. I had worked on several projects to that point and it had become exceedingly clear that I just didn't have it. So I thought I'd release a memorable record, and my idea eventually became that I'd put out a record that I knew no one could ever finish. And that record became "LCD Soundsystem".
B4K: Ok is that why it ended up a double album?
JMcSucky: Oh no, that was a money thing, although putting out two discs made me very confident that no one would ever finish the thing. But in truth, I think I could make anyone stop listening to a disc in less than a half hour.
B4K: So when Pitchfork gave it the huge rating?
LCDShitsystem: That was crazy. All of a sudden I was playing cool hipster clubs and fucking cool hipster chicks (teh hotness) and it seemed possible that I could get into a Daft Punk show. But no, I don't know what the fuck they were thinking.
B4K: Right, because I understand the whole "we're hipsters who are into dance music, and this is the music that we've deemed acceptable dance music" thing. I like dance music, and I don't like trash, so I feel like I'm in that target market. But your shit is really quite horrible. I just wonder why they chose you.
Fuckhole: Well I gotta tell you I think it was serendipity. Plus, their offices are like super close to my studio. There's just a drug store in between them. So there's probably some laziness mixed in there.
B4K: And then there was 43:55, the so-called workout record commissioned by Nike. The only workout I got from this one was throwing my headphones into a sewer after a half-mile of running. To be fair, I had only listened to 15:27 of it by then, but I think the only person that could work out to this trash would be maybe an even more coked-out Britney Spears trying to induce a miscarriage through bad music. Your thoughts?
JM: I don't work out so exercise music is not my forte. I just don't eat a lot.
B4K: And then your latest effort, "Sound of Silver" (ed. note 9.2 rating from Pitchfork), was more of the same. How long do you think you can get away with this?
TalentlessAssClown: I don't know, I hope a while. As long as I can suck a mean dick, I guess. I use Burt's Bees every day to keep my lips in shape and I gargle mayonnaise twice daily to stay in good form. I think another three years is going to be about it.
B4K: Well we can only hope so.
B4K: Hi James, how's things going? You've released some new material in the past 18 months, and it's been really well received. At this point, you've got tons of indie credibility, and the freedom to do whatever you want. Is everything going according to plan?
JM: Yeah, I don't know about that. I mean, it was a bit unexpected, I have to say. But it's nice.
B4K: For us it was unexpected too. Don't take this the wrong way, because I hear you're a swell guy, but your latest effort, "Sound of Silver", blew ass.
JM: Ha, yeah, I was wondering how long it would take someone to call me out on this.
B4K: What do you mean by "this"?
JM: Well, my whole critical acclaim thing.
B4K: Right, because LCD Soundsystem is pure, unadulterated garbage. So how have you been getting away with this?
JM: Honestly I don't know. I actually released "LCD Soundsystem" (ed. note "LCD Soundsystem" was released in 2005 and sucked hard but was given an 8.2 rating by pitchforkmedia.com) as a farewell to the music industry. I had worked on several projects to that point and it had become exceedingly clear that I just didn't have it. So I thought I'd release a memorable record, and my idea eventually became that I'd put out a record that I knew no one could ever finish. And that record became "LCD Soundsystem".
B4K: Ok is that why it ended up a double album?
JMcSucky: Oh no, that was a money thing, although putting out two discs made me very confident that no one would ever finish the thing. But in truth, I think I could make anyone stop listening to a disc in less than a half hour.
B4K: So when Pitchfork gave it the huge rating?
LCDShitsystem: That was crazy. All of a sudden I was playing cool hipster clubs and fucking cool hipster chicks (teh hotness) and it seemed possible that I could get into a Daft Punk show. But no, I don't know what the fuck they were thinking.
B4K: Right, because I understand the whole "we're hipsters who are into dance music, and this is the music that we've deemed acceptable dance music" thing. I like dance music, and I don't like trash, so I feel like I'm in that target market. But your shit is really quite horrible. I just wonder why they chose you.
Fuckhole: Well I gotta tell you I think it was serendipity. Plus, their offices are like super close to my studio. There's just a drug store in between them. So there's probably some laziness mixed in there.
B4K: And then there was 43:55, the so-called workout record commissioned by Nike. The only workout I got from this one was throwing my headphones into a sewer after a half-mile of running. To be fair, I had only listened to 15:27 of it by then, but I think the only person that could work out to this trash would be maybe an even more coked-out Britney Spears trying to induce a miscarriage through bad music. Your thoughts?
JM: I don't work out so exercise music is not my forte. I just don't eat a lot.
B4K: And then your latest effort, "Sound of Silver" (ed. note 9.2 rating from Pitchfork), was more of the same. How long do you think you can get away with this?
TalentlessAssClown: I don't know, I hope a while. As long as I can suck a mean dick, I guess. I use Burt's Bees every day to keep my lips in shape and I gargle mayonnaise twice daily to stay in good form. I think another three years is going to be about it.
B4K: Well we can only hope so.
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