My "Interview" with James Murphy

We almost had an interview with James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem. Let's just say we did. For six days, we traded emails, phone calls, and text messages with him. This is how it went:

B4K: Hi James, how's things going? You've released some new material in the past 18 months, and it's been really well received. At this point, you've got tons of indie credibility, and the freedom to do whatever you want. Is everything going according to plan?

JM: Yeah, I don't know about that. I mean, it was a bit unexpected, I have to say. But it's nice.

B4K: For us it was unexpected too. Don't take this the wrong way, because I hear you're a swell guy, but your latest effort, "Sound of Silver", blew ass.

JM: Ha, yeah, I was wondering how long it would take someone to call me out on this.

B4K: What do you mean by "this"?

JM: Well, my whole critical acclaim thing.

B4K: Right, because LCD Soundsystem is pure, unadulterated garbage. So how have you been getting away with this?

JM: Honestly I don't know. I actually released "LCD Soundsystem" (ed. note "LCD Soundsystem" was released in 2005 and sucked hard but was given an 8.2 rating by pitchforkmedia.com) as a farewell to the music industry. I had worked on several projects to that point and it had become exceedingly clear that I just didn't have it. So I thought I'd release a memorable record, and my idea eventually became that I'd put out a record that I knew no one could ever finish. And that record became "LCD Soundsystem".

B4K: Ok is that why it ended up a double album?

JMcSucky: Oh no, that was a money thing, although putting out two discs made me very confident that no one would ever finish the thing. But in truth, I think I could make anyone stop listening to a disc in less than a half hour.

B4K: So when Pitchfork gave it the huge rating?

LCDShitsystem: That was crazy. All of a sudden I was playing cool hipster clubs and fucking cool hipster chicks (teh hotness) and it seemed possible that I could get into a Daft Punk show. But no, I don't know what the fuck they were thinking.

B4K: Right, because I understand the whole "we're hipsters who are into dance music, and this is the music that we've deemed acceptable dance music" thing. I like dance music, and I don't like trash, so I feel like I'm in that target market. But your shit is really quite horrible. I just wonder why they chose you.

Fuckhole: Well I gotta tell you I think it was serendipity. Plus, their offices are like super close to my studio. There's just a drug store in between them. So there's probably some laziness mixed in there.

B4K: And then there was 43:55, the so-called workout record commissioned by Nike. The only workout I got from this one was throwing my headphones into a sewer after a half-mile of running. To be fair, I had only listened to 15:27 of it by then, but I think the only person that could work out to this trash would be maybe an even more coked-out Britney Spears trying to induce a miscarriage through bad music. Your thoughts?

JM: I don't work out so exercise music is not my forte. I just don't eat a lot.

B4K: And then your latest effort, "Sound of Silver" (ed. note 9.2 rating from Pitchfork), was more of the same. How long do you think you can get away with this?

TalentlessAssClown: I don't know, I hope a while. As long as I can suck a mean dick, I guess. I use Burt's Bees every day to keep my lips in shape and I gargle mayonnaise twice daily to stay in good form. I think another three years is going to be about it.

B4K: Well we can only hope so.